Christmas day accountability

Well Christmas is right around the corner, and I couldn't be more excited!  We will be heading out of town tomorrow to visit Daniels relatives.  We're not going far, but we've heard the roads are bad, so here's hoping things get cleared up by tomorrow morning! Dan wasn't sure if he'd get Christmas Eve off (since you have to book off  all days off, otherwise he's on call 24-7, 7days a week).  But they had him work a long shift today, so he will have tomorrow off.  Very exciting!

This morning I was cleaning off my car to go grocery shopping, and the snow is piled up so high beside my car that the roof of my car was waist high on me! It's ridiculous  I mean, snow at Christmastime is great, but I think mother nature went a little snow crazy this season.

I headed out to Safeway for groceries.  I kind of toyed in my head with not going at all since I figured it'd be busy.  But it was either go today, or go after work on boxing day.  Neither day is ideal, so I figured I'd just get it out of the way.  The store was really busy, but not frustrating at all! I swear all of the customers had smiles on their faces.  When I was standing in line to be checked out, the cashier was talking to a little boy and his mom about Santa.  It was absolutely adorable!  So many people could be in a bad mood for so many reasons, but I'm happy to see that people are still trying to be happy with all the hustle and bustle.

The other day I was out an about and ran into someone I haven't seen in years and they commented on my weight loss.  And at work I had a customer stop dead in her tracks and say, "You've changed.  WHAT did you do??"  I told her I lost weight, and we chatted a bit about that for awhile before I finished ringing her through the register.  It's weird, I had no idea who she was.  It's neat that she remembered me though!  I've been getting a few comments from customers, only one asked if I lost weight (he then asked if that was rude to ask), but mostly they mention that I look different and ask what it is.  Hah! I find it kind of funny.  Like I want to throw up my hands and say, YOU CAN'T TELL?!  But I think most are just trying to be polite.

When I got back I made some lunch and pretty much just vegged around the house.  It's so nice to not have to do laundry, dishes, or anything else.. well not yet.  I still have to pack tonight!  I had a run scheduled for this afternoon too.

This run started out okay, I was doing 5 mph but my right knee suddenly started shooting pain.  Normally if it aches I just run through it or lower my speed, but this was more than an ache.  So I slowed down to a walk and walked off the pain.  I started back out at 4.5 mph and slowly increased my speed to 4.8 mph but I still felt a little off.  Over the past few runs my stomach on the right side has been aching too.  Well, it's in the hip/lower abdomen area.  It's kind of hard to tell why it's hurting.  I have a feeling it's because of excess skin+running makes my muscles hurt, or something to that nature, since it only hurts when I run.  Either way I decided to cut the run short.  In fact I didn't even run the whole time.  I did a run/walk of 2.25 miles.  Better than nothing, but not what I was hoping for either.  I don't have runs planned for the next two days, so hopefully my knee sorts itself out in those two days.  It doesn't hurt now anymore, so maybe I just psyched myself out.

After my run I made supper.  It was ground turkey with peppers, mushrooms, onion, garlic, Chili powder, salt, rice, cheese and sour cream.  SO good!

I need a light box in my house, so I can take pictures without them looking so dark!  Anyways, supper was so yummy  I had to share.

For the past two days I've been wanting to do Christmas baking badly.  I mean, I had on my Christmas apron yesterday and I was flipping through all of my cookbooks to see what I could whip up quickly that wasn't too bad in calories.  I determined that there really wasn't anything that I could make that would fit the bill.  Sure I could just portion out the cookies so I only eat X amount of calories, but I know myself too well.  One cookie leads to another, and another and so on.  Once a binge eater, always a binge eater.  So instead I've been making myself the hot chocolate I got from my secret santa (last night was Rolo, tonight is After Eight!), and making the single serve cookies I shared here.  I added a few walnuts to make it.. different!

I realized afterwards that I was just craving sugar.  I thought that I was just trying to get into the Christmas spirit by baking, but after having the cookie and hot chocolate I just realized that I was craving sweets.  Afterwards I had absolutely NO inkling to bake.  I'm glad I didn't make a whole batch of cookies, I'm sure they'd be all eaten by now!

So now the Christmas season is totally in swing.  I wanted to share something that Kate at Runs for Cookies wrote last Christmas.  Her post (found here) is about people waiting until the New Year to begin their journey, or Boxing Day, or whatever.  At any other time of year, it's "I'll start on Monday".  It's an excellent read, please check it out.

Here is a motivational story I want to share with you guys.  It's a bit long, but I promise I have a reason for posting it!

The Elephant Rope

As a man was walking down a road, he passed some Elephants.  He suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.  No chains, no cages.  It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.  "Well," the trainer said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them.  As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.  They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."

The man was amazed.  These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a b belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

How many times have we tried to do something, and quit because we got hung up on something?  I know I've "quit" dieting a dozen times because of stupid reasons, because I thought I was a failure and that I just wasn't strong enough to do it.  There where so many times where I thought I had no willpower and that I was destined to be fat forever.  I defined myself by that.  Fat.  I am fat, that's who I am, the fat girl.

There where a few days last weekend where I had trouble controlling my eating.  I followed the rules I had put in place for this month, but I still ate badly.  In one night I had over 3100 calories(at least I had the sense to track it, even if I did gorge).  That's more than double my normal amount of calories for one day.  Then the next day I was so upset with myself, I ended up eating 2000 calories that day.  500 more than my normal day.  I was upset with myself, but I knew this wasn't the end of the game.  I slipped up, it happens.  It doesn't mean I'm a failure, or that I have no willpower.  It just means that I was greatly tempted all weekend and I chose to eat what was tempting me.

And you know what?  I still lost 3 lbs this past week.  If I had given up like I wanted to, if I had thrown in the towel and over eaten on Monday (like I wanted so desperately to), then I would have NEVER known that I lost 3 lbs that week.  I would not have weighed myself like normal, and I would have binged every day, because who cares, right?  I would have just dropped the diet, but now here I am exactly a week later and I'm down 3 lbs and I hit 110 lbs lost.

I have lost over 110 lbs, and I still have bad days.  I had TWO very bad days.  Bad enough that for a short time I wanted to quit.  Thankfully I pulled my head out of the fog and came to my senses.

In my eyes this wasn't "failure".  In a  year I probably wont even remember that binge.  How unfair would it be to throw in the towel because of some binge I don't even remember?  At the worst, this hurt me mentally. It brought up the dark recesses of my brain where I used to hide.  Where I told myself that I was a failure, and ugly and I even thought, "How dare I write a blog about weight loss?  What gives me the right?"  Afterwards I realized THAT is why I do the blog.  Because this is real, this is hard and be damned I'm doing it!   You know, at the best, it was a lesson that I can make it out of it and get back on track right away.

So what does this have to do with Christmas?  Well everything!  I know eating mindfully at Christmas is hard.  I have decided not to plan my meals this Christmas, but instead eat intuitively.  That is, gauge how I feel and eat accordingly.  Normally I wouldn't do that, but I will be eating in a place where I feel very safe.  There isn't the same emphasis on food that you might find at some places on Christmas, so I feel fine eating that way.  There is no pressure to overeat.

What can you do?  Well I'm sure you already know the answer.  You can count calories all day, or try eating mindfully.  Whatever works best for you.  Remember that veggies are your friend, and to eat until you're 80% full.  Remember that sugary foods, drinks and alcohol all skyrocket in calories.  But most of all, remember that Christmas isn't about trying all the foods that are around you.  Sure you can enjoy yourself and have a few treats, but just know when you're going overboard and stop yourself.

Remember, there is no good reason to binge.

Christmas is not a good enough reason to binge.  There is a difference between enjoying a treat here and there, and bingeing.

Now on a lighter note, I wont be blogging until after Christmas day.  We will be travelling both tomorrow and Christmas day, then I work hell day boxing day.  I sincerely hope that everyone enjoys their Christmas, and spends time having fun, enjoying company and relaxing.