Inspiration

Edit:  I want to make something clear.. This is all my opinion. The image below some people believe is "pro Ana (Pro-Anorexia).  After re-reading my post I realize I wrote a bit aggressively which doesn't offer much room for people to have a differing opinion than my own without feeling like they're being attacked.  I apologize! Everyone has different opinions, I didn't mean to attack anyone with this post, I just think that sometimes people view things a certain way and never question it.  I just want you to question it.  If you find it okay, then fine I will not argue with you.  Only you know yourself and what motivates you.  For some people there is no question that these images can be mentally harmful and de-railing.


Usually I don't post on Sundays because I get the lowest amount of readers on Sundays.  But I've noticed a trend going around on Facebook, Pinterest and other social media sites and sometimes I just can't keep my mouth shut.  It's a disturbing 'shaming' trend and I want to tell my readers that this way of thinking is not an okay way to think or to go about dieting.

I'm sure some of you have seen images like this around, especially on Pinterest but I've seen them everywhere.  This is a fantastic example of bad inspiration.  What does a picture like this evoke in you?  Lets say you're sitting at your computer right now, you haven't worked out and  you're eating.  So right now you might be feeling: Shame that you indeed are eating.  Or Worthlessness because you haven't worked out all week.  Or Failure because your diets always fail.  Maybe you feel inspired and you toss away the food and decide to head out to the gym immediately.

The disturbing this is that so many people (women especially) don't find anything wrong with this.  They say, "hey, I have weak willpower and if this gets me going then why not? I don't take it that seriously." I want to slam my face on my desk when I hear that.

Shaming is a big part of what keeps an eating disorder running.  If you say, "I only look at this when I shouldn't eat junk food."  How is that any different than having an eating disorder?  When you have an eating disorder your eating habits are defined by shame.

Would you let your daughter use this for inspiration if she was a bit chubby?  No?  Then why is it okay for you?  What kind of message are you sending to your children?  That it's okay to hate yourself, but only for a few minutes so you don't eat that brownie?

I really hope I'm getting my point across.  You do not need this for inspiration in any way shape or form.  Great inspiration comes from two sources.  1.Yourself.  When you love yourself and what you can accomplish, you can drive yourself to do anything. 2. People you can relate to.  If you find a book about a woman who battles the same battles as you, and managed to lose 40 lbs, and have a happy attitude you're going to see her as an inspiration.

It's not easy relating to the model in the picture above.  In fact a good part of her could be photoshopped.  She might not have any idea what it's like to battle binge eating disorder, or to lose 100+lbs.  In fact we have no idea who she is or what she's like.  How can she be an inspiration?  Because she's skinny? Is that all she's about?

When I have a bad day there are several things I do to remind me of where I've been and what I can accomplish.  One really great way to get inspiration is to look for people who are like you, who have the same struggles as you.  People who can cheer you on and lift you up.  When I'm feeling down I look at Katie at Runs for cookies.  She has lots over 100lbs, still battles with binge eating, and is a runner.  She put in the hard work and has such grace. Who better to be an inspiration?  Or how about Holly at 300 Pounds down.  She has lost over 217lbs and battles with a sugar addiction.  She went from not being able to go out into public, to raising her children on her own.  Or Anele at Success along the weigh.  I love her blog because it's so real.  Right now she's just getting over an injury and working her butt off to try to lead a healthy lifestyle.  She's crafty, and aaallll woman.  Just reading her blog you know that she has been through rough patches to get where she has.

Talk about inspiration!  These women have lived the tough life.  Most who lose weight have battled an eating disorder of one kind or another.  They work hard every damn day to lead a happy and healthy life.  Now I ask again, who do you want to be an inspiration for you and your children?

Back on track!

Well after two and a half weeks off of work I'm happy to say that my feet feel much better.  I had my second Physio appointment today (Where I was shocked to find out that it was free with Alberta health for a certain length of time, yay!).  He adjusted my right ankle last time and he took another look at it and was pleased that it stayed put.  He said it wanted to "go back" to being out, but he caught it in time.  It gave a good pop and it felt great afterwards.

After that he worked on my right hip.  I'm not sure how to describe what he did, but basically the joint is tight so he wanted to kind of pull on it, kind of like trying to dislocate it.  Then he gave me some exercises to do to make sure I can keep up that range of motion, and gave me some advice about my upper back.  My upper back only has been hurting since I lost the last 15lbs or so and we both figured it was just my body adjusting to less belly fat since I have less stomach "propping" my body up.

This week the weather has been phenomenal!  I've been trying to get out as much as possible to make sure I get some exercise and to practice being on my feet before going back to work next week.  The Physiotherapist recommended that I get minimal shoes.  Basically shoes that have maximum comfort with minimal shoe.  They should bend and twist and not be too structured of a shoe.  He figured all of my shoes are too structured for  my feet and that's part of my problem.  I ended up getting Nike Free Runs.  I love the way they look, they're black with neon orange laces!  They match my black yoga pants with neon stripes on the sides!  I'll try to get a picture on my next post.

This week I've been moving pretty slowly at home still, but I've managed to make most of the meals on my own this week which is a huge jump from last week.  Last night I made this really great Chili.

I'm not going to post the recipe since it was just a bunch of ingredients thrown together.  Plus everyone knows how to make Chili, right?  Basically it was crushed tomatoes, red beans, black beans, corn, ground turkey, garlic, chipotle chili powder, oregano, chili powder and cumin.  It's tasty and I made enough to last a few days which is handy when you're moving slow!  Next time I'm going to try a "white chili" since Dan is actually allergic to tomatoes.  He can take this prescription pill anytime he wants to eat tomatoes, but I'd rather not put his digestive track on a whirlwind like that too much!

After having so much time off of work I'm happy to say that my weight has stayed stable.  There was a week where I mysteriously dropped almost 6lbs, but then it came back the next week and I've been sitting at a comfortable 112lbs lost since I lost all of that fluid bloat from January.  I'm not upset at not losing, in all honesty when I was bloated all through January my stomach hurt so much I couldn't eat too much, and for February I tried focusing on my health and keeping a stable weight rather than exercise and weight loss.  I'm happy with that decision and happy that I didn't let 2 months of being under the weather be an excuse to binge eat!  This gives me confidence that I can tackle some tough stuff and keep my mind where it needs to be instead of on food!

I talked to my physiotherapist about running but we didn't set up a game plan yet.  I think he wanted to tackle one thing at a time over the next few weeks.  He did say I could try running in place and if that felt good then I could try short jogging distances just to see how it goes.  I also forgot to ask him about the hip pain I have when I run (since I haven't been running, I forgot about it!).  I plan on bringing that up to him next time I see him.  For those of you who don't remember, I mentioned to my family doctor in January about right hip/pelvic pain when I ran.  I thought it might be weak muscles from losing weight and having lose skin.  By the beginning of January it was very very painful to run.  My doctors only solution was to "ride a bike instead".  So I want to talk to the physiotherapist to get his opinion since it hasn't improved.

Let me tell you guys, I really appreciate all of the emails and support I've gotten.  For awhile with the pelvic muscle pain and lower back pain I couldn't sit up (for most of January and a good part of February) so typing out blog posts or even surfing the web was next to impossible.  I have felt good for the most part of this week, so I like to think that I'm on the mend and things will only get better.

Recently I did a poll on my personal Facebook page and on my DaphneAlive Facebook page about diet plans.  I was really doing it for my own personal outlook on diets.  Basically I read A LOT about failure on diets, and quite a few diets where people started with optimism but never followed through.  One thing I found very interesting though, was that for the most part people didn't care if they where taught about nutrition, maintenance and didn't care how much they paid so long as they got results.  I mean, that makes total sense, right?

If you can't lose weight on your own, it would make sense that you'd be willing to pay for advice, guidance and help getting rid of the weight.  Heck, I paid a counsellor to help me with my issues so I could have a healthy relationship with food.  Some people pay for structure, some people pay for support and others for product.

One thing I want to stress about anything you do with your diet.  Pay attention!  That's it, pay attention.

Pay attention to what you eat and how you feel.  Pay attention to what time you eat.  If your diet plan wants you to eat 5 meals a day what does your body think of that?  Do you find it hard or easy to transition?  Sometimes you have growing pains with a diet, and sometimes your body is telling you that "this isn't working for me".  I think that most people who lose lots of weight could tell you this.

For example, my dietician had me eating a morning snack every day.  For awhile I did it, but found myself wanting a snack in the evening more than anything.  However, because I had a morning snack I didn't have enough calories for an evening snack.  I thought, "too bad, gotta suck it up Princess!"  After awhile I told my dietician how hard I found it in the evenings.  I felt like a failure and that I just can't get over obsessing over food in the evening.  Then she said, "If you didn't eat at lunchtime don't you think you'd start thinking about food until you got some?"  And I said, "Well, yes!"  So she changed up my plan so I had an evening snack instead of a morning one.

Pay attention to your body and don't let others dictate what you "should" be doing (including me, oi!).

Thank you guys for patiently waiting for a post, I hope to be around SO much more often!

Small progress

On Monday I had a doctors appointment scheduled for mid-morning out of town.  I wanted to ask my doctor about my feet, and why I can only wear shoes for about an hour max before I get wicked toe cramps in my feet.  When I went outside to start my car I found that I had left part of my sound system on and had totally drained my battery.  So I rescheduled for the following morning.  It ended up working better that way, because my mom was in town and able to drive me.  I was worried about driving myself and my feet cramping up while driving.  The foot cramps last for close to an hour, and it's usually closer to two hours before I can walk again.  So I really didn't want to take any chances.

On Tuesday morning we headed out of town for the appointment.  Unfortunately he couldn't say what was wrong with my feet at all.  He told me to take 2 weeks off of work and he couldn't account for the cramping.  He also looked over the ultrasound I had on Friday and said that everything looked normal. (Remember back in mid-January when I ballooned up and was having stomach pains and nausea? Well I finally convinced someone to get me into an ultrasound, but by then all the symptoms had disappeared.  So seeing the doctor on Tuesday felt like a complete waste of time.

On Wednesday I had an appointment with a Physical Therapist to look at my feet (I've now had a Chiropractor, Doctor and Physical therapist all look at my feet) and he said the symptoms I had didn't make sense with what he was seeing with my feet.  He said that everything looked great, especially on my left side (which is where I'm having the most cramping) and he was stumped.  On the right side he adjusted my ankle, he figured that I had sprained it long ago and it had healed wonky.  So now I have more mobility in my right ankle.  It was really refreshing to have someone listen to me, and I mean *really* listen to all of  my concerns.  Unfortunately, he had no idea what was going on, he said it sounded like something else was wrong, and not my muscles or ligaments, like something chemical or hormonal.  We do have a plan to work on other areas of my body, however.

I'm worried about when I go back to work.  I feel almost completely fine walking around sock foot in my house, but put on shoes and they want to cramp up.  Doesn't matter which shoes I put on either.  So I feel fine at home, but I have no idea how my feet will react when I go out and about, or to work.  A few days ago I attempted a short shift at work because my feet felt fine all day, and I lasted 20 minutes at work before I was in tears and had to be driven home from foot and toe cramps.

I feel like I've done all that I can do.  I brought it up to my doctor, physical therapist and a Chiropractor.  What else can I do?

I've quit going out and about, no more grocery shopping or anything.  I figure I'll try to stay at home and relax and not aggravate my feet over the next week and a half and see if they're better for work. Plus, it's scary to go out, and not know what's going to happen.  If I'll get stuck in the middle of the grocery store because I can't walk anymore, or if I'll make it out fine.  A few days ago I went across the street to the pharmacy and I barely made it home before my feet where cramping up.  Other days I can wear shoes for a few hours and I'm okay.  What gives?

Well, in good news, my back feels a million times better.  I still ache when I sit at the computer too long, or sit in general, but it's much better.  My swelling is totally gone as well and I lost all the water weight I had put on, plus I dropped a few more pounds immediately afterwards too.  (I lost about 10lbs in two weeks!). Plus my appetite is back to normal, which is a plus.

I still haven't done a lot of cooking, I find that my feet will feel fine when I am up and cooking but by the time bedtime rolls around they ache like crazy.  So now I'm trying to take it easy.  Dan has been getting lots of practice cooking healthy meals lately!  

Mentally I'm still on a wicked roller coaster.  It's hard to sit at home for over a month, or to lay in bed.  I'm used to doing all the grocery shopping, house cleaning, cooking, blogging, plus working and running and any other errands that need to be done.  Right now I can sit, lie down, and occasionally get up and putter around the house.  Running is still out of the question, unfortunately.

Next week Dan and I are making plans for an early Valentines day!  Almost every year he's working, and last year he was out of town all-together.  So this year we're planning on doing something on Tuesday, which is one of his days off.  I really want to bake some sort of treat this year, and I have been wanting to go back to The Keg ever since my birthday.  So hopefully I can con ask him to go there!

Personally, Valentines Day is a big deal for me.  Remember in school when you got older, and instead of handing out Valentines, you could buy candy-grams to send? The only person I ever sent one to was my best friend, and the only one I ever got was from my best friend.  I know that's nothing to complain about, really.  It's just that I never ever got anything for Valentines until I met Dan, and now I find it super important to not only treat the one you love, but to make a point of showing it.  Sure you can do that anytime of year (how many couples do something big just any old time of year though?), but Dan and I rarely get time off together, so celebrating Valentines is just an excuse to do something for each other.

Do you do anything special for Valentines day?  When I was single I would hand out Valentines every year to my friends and co-workers.  I think it's important to let people know that you care about them, even in just little cheesy ways.