Expecting!

Some of you may remember that I started taking fertility medication mid-December.  If you remember that, then you might remember that I was plagued with OHSS (ovarian-hyper stimulation syndrome) as well.  OHSS makes you balloon up, gain extra pounds, makes it physically hurt to eat, and you're incredibly nauseous.  I had a few people ask me, "are you pregnant?!".  Well at the time, no I wasn't.  OHSS can hit anyone who takes fertility medication, whether they are pregnant or not.  A few days after the OHSS started I looked at my fertility chart and noticed I was 11 days passed my ovulation date (you bet I tracked everything!).  I knew it was technically too early to take a test, but I decided to any ways.  I figured I might get lucky.

Well get lucky I did!  I got a positive on January 12th of this year.  I took another one the next day to be sure, and the line was much darker the next day!  It just so happened that I had a doctors appointment that day to discuss my fertility medicaton and to talk about upping the dosage.  Instead the discussion turned to beta tests to check for HCG, due dates etc.  My family doctor was really shocked that I was pregnant and a little concerned.  He said to me, "don't take this the wrong way, but enjoy it while it lasts."  Ever since I've been waiting for the floor to drop out from under us.

I had two blood tests done to confirm pregnancy and I was placed at "just about 5 weeks".  Later the following week I started getting lots of blood loss for about two weeks straight.  Followed by extreme cramping, and excruciating pain.  We rushed to the ER, and eventually had more blood work done and told to come back if it happens again.

At 6 weeks we had an ultrasound to check on our little bean and see how things where going under such stress. (The ER didn't have an ultrasound machine! What the heck?!)  The tech took lots of time, lots of photos and eventually called Dan into the room.  She spent some time pointing out different parts of my body, and eventually zoomed in on this teeny tiny little blob with a flashing heartbeat.  It was such a relief to see it be okay, and alive!

Today was my first appointment with my new Obstetrician, a lovely and sweet Russian lady.  We went through a normal check up, and lots of questions.  She then pulled out a Doppler and we heard the heartbeat for the first time! I loud Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh!!  She also had a handheld ultrasound machine, it looked like a large flip phone.  She found the baby, which is much bigger than a blob now.  It had a distinct head, arms and legs and again a flashing heartbeat!  She would move the ultrasound wand around and the baby would jump around every time.

Now I'm worried about the nerve issues I'm having while pregnant, and the twitching and spasming that I'm getting on my left side.  It's not pregnancy related, and I'm worried that pregnancy and weight gain will make it worse.  So far I've had some morning sickness starting about two weeks ago (and wonderful medication to help), and just some cramping.

So now you guys know the real reason why I'm in maintenance mode!  I'm happy to say that I am sitting exactly at my pre-pregnancy weight still (fluctuating around 222-224lbs consistently), and my weight wasn't discussed at all during the exam.

I still feel like the floor is going to be yanked out from under us.  I mean, how many people with fertility problems get pregnant the first try?!  I owe a lot of thanks to the book "Taking charge of your fertility", for without that book I probably wouldn't be pregnant.

Needless to say, this is surreal.  I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to ever be a Mom.(Funny note, my spell-check doesn't recognize "Mom" as a word!)  That my body was a wreck, I had ruined it somehow.   I still wont believe it's real until I see my baby, but for now I choose to be happy!

Some other fantastic news, I hit over 10 000 page views yesterday!  Thanks everyone for following me through all of this utter crap!

Now I'm off to snuggle with Dan, and dream of baby names.

More tests and hoops..

This past weekend was supposed to be very liberating.  Saturday was my first day back to work in over a month, and my Dad was visiting for the weekend too.  At first work went really great, it was only a 3 hour shift to get me back into the groove of work and I was pretty confident that I could do it.  The whole week prior I had been out of the house almost every day, running errands, going to the mall and light grocery shopping.  I thought for sure that a measly 3 hour shift would be okay.  

Work started out pretty good. I was light on my feet, chatting with customers and having a great time.  I loved it!  Just over an hour in I started to feel pressure in my left foot (the foot with all the issues).  I ended up taking over 45 minutes in breaks in the 3 hour shift.  Once my shift was done I hobbled out to my car and I could feel my toes starting to spasm and I could barely walk into my house when I got home.  

A few hours later I felt better and I was asked to go to the mall for a quick errand.  I thought I would be fine since I had rested and I had gone to the mall several times that week already.  About 20 minutes in I had to head out to my car and when I got home my foot was spasming so much that I started crying and it was very uncomfortable to walk.  Like my foot wanted to contort into weird shapes.  It didn't hurt though until much later.

The whole night I laid on the couch with my leg propped up, and watched as my toes wiggled and twitched all on their own.  Every once in awhile my leg would twitch too.  About 6 hours later I went up to bed and could barely make it up the stairs to my room.  

I got into see my family doctors Locum on Tuesday, and he took me off of work for 2 months.  I have blood tests to do, x-rays of my foot and an MRI of my brain this fall.  I've had several people throw out names like Multiple Sclerosis (I've heard that one lots), Guillian-Barre Syndrome(GBS), Lupus and others.  This will be the 5th blood test I've had since the middle of January, all I want is answers.

The Locum asked me why I didn't just quit my job.  That scared me, should I quit my job?  I just want to know what's going on!  I love my job, and I've missed it so much.  I've worked there off and on since 2005, I really don't want to quit now.  I don't want to be a nuisance to them either.  I bought them all gift cards as a way of saying thanks for taking over my shifts, thank goodness I'm only part-time!

Today I had a Physiotherapy appointment and was the first day since Saturday that I felt better about leaving the house.  I told him what happened and he was pretty concerned.  He checked a nerve (nerves?) that go from my foot and up to my brain.  He had me lay on my back while he lifted my leg, then he had me touch my chin to my chest and told him where I felt any pain, or resistance.  Then he did my other side.  The side where I have issues with my foot was very tight and he said my nerves needed flossing.  He did a bit while I was there, and showed me how I could do it on my own at home.  He hoped that would help me out in the long run.

By the end of February I was feeling fantastic, I was able to go out and about, and finally able to do simple things like grocery shopping, errands, laundry etc.  All it took was one 3 hour shift and I was literally out for days.  When I went to my doctors appointment 3 days later, I had my mom come with me because I wasn't even sure if I could drive myself home after being out for so long. It's not fatigue I'm worried about, it's that my foot gets uncomfortable, and then it starts spasming and twitching, and it slowly goes up my leg if I don't get my shoes off and lie down immediately.

I have no idea what to do in the meantime, I'm back to not being able to go grocery shopping again.  I feel okay around the house doing small simple tasks like laundry, but that's all.  Even going to a half hour physio appointment was enough that I had to rest my foot and leg for awhile.

This isn't exactly a fantastic weight-loss blog anymore, is it?  I apologize! I need to get my brain in the right place.  I keep hitting setback after setback, and it's hard to stay on top of a weight-loss blog when you're life is no longer centred on weight loss!

In that regard I have decent news! I haven't gained any weight, even though I have been through the wringer mentally.  No major binges, either.  I haven't eaten the best everyday, but that's mostly because on bad days I'm not able to make soup, let alone a healthy meal.

I plan on coming up with easy to make healthier foods while I feel like this.  Probably tortillas, crock pot meals and so on.

Thank you guys for still reading! This blog really is my life, even if I don't always have content relevant to weight-loss.