A new blog

I have thought often- weekly about continuing to write in this blog. I wonder what the content would be about? I really wanted to show raw feelings, show the hard reality of weight loss and the bright-as-the-sun happiness from attaining such a hard goal.  But now I have gained weight back.  What does that mean? Does that mean I'm a failure? Does that mean I'm weak, lazy, or that I didn't try hard enough? Does that weight gain revoke my right to talk about weight loss or my opinions? I will say no, absolutely not. But I'm desperately afraid that anyone who reads this will think otherwise. The internet- and society is largely cruel to fat people. The same people also praise and almost worship massive weight loss. Never have I felt more loved and admired than when I lost weight and that admiration is easily lost. Gain a pound, or a handful and it's okay. Gain 20, 50, or more and my character comes into question. Somehow I'm flawed.

That still doesn't answer the question, what would I write about? I want to write about my life. I want to write about Binge eating disorder(BED) with all it's complexities. I have learned a lot about myself since I have relapsed, it was a gift in a way. After my relapse I entered eating disorder therapy and ever since my emotional self has been largely raw and large wounds have been left open to heal properly. It's uncomfortable, and confusing. But slowly I am healing and understanding more and more as to the why of my life. Why I am the way I am. And that's what I want to write about. What makes me me. What makes an eating disorder. But I also want to talk about much more than that. Eating disorders encompass every aspect of your life. 

I will be starting a new blog. It will be separate from this one for the simple fact that I want it to be more private. If you want the address to my new blog feel free to ask, I may however decline to add readers. I'm uncertain yet about who I want it open to.

With all that said I will now close this chapter of my life.